7 Lessons from my 7 years of Marriage

Hey Lovelies,
Yesterday morning, my husband and I sat down to reflect on our journey in the last 7 years of marriage and it’s so surreal to think this much time has passed since we exchanged vows.

Our journey has been nothing but that of God’s grace and mercy, we are not where we used to be and we strongly believe there’s still so much joy in store by God’s grace.

I shared a lot of our old photos yesterday on my Instagram stories and this video of how we spent our 7th anniversary. You should follow me on Instagram if you aren’t already.

Someone jokingly said I should do a master class on marriage lol… I never reach to do that one but I’d love to share some of my major lessons in these 7 years of marriage that hopefully you and other people can learn from.

So please read and share this post

7 major lessons I’d love to share from 7 years of marriage.

1. Your marriage is not like anyone else’s

Don’t compare your partner with someone else or someone else’s marriage. Don’t put undue pressure on yourselves, set up your own structures.

Instead of making things better, the comparison would always make it worse!

Do it when the time is right not because someone else is doing it. Lots of families are in massive debt because of this. Avoid it at all costs. 

2. Marriage is stronger when there’s interdependency.

Everyone doing their part and contributing to the successful running of the home is best not overly laying all responsibilities on one person. From house chores to payment of bills and caring for the children, do it together.

While building our first house, we tried to balance our finances by running the home on one person’s income and using that of the other person to fund the project.

Understanding and effective communication about roles & responsibilities is key! No assumptions or unrealistic expectations.

3. Your partner CAN NOT read your mind.

If something is wrong instead of giving an attitude, communicate. If you’re so hurt and you can’t do it in words put it in writing. That’s what I do and it really helps.

Everything should be communicated, your thoughts, your expectations, and desires in and out of the “other room” (bedroom) *wink* communicate it all.

4. Allow your partner do things that make them happy, even if those things don’t necessarily excite you.

You are two separate humans with varying interests, everything they do doesn’t always have to revolve around you. Allow him/her to explore their interests and encourage them to do the things that make them feel alive even if it doesn’t necessarily bring in money at the initial stage.

When I started blogging, I was making zero from it but I kept doing it and my husband has been so supportive. Also when I started singing at events, I would do it for the love of it and my husband would support me by watching the kids.

Eventually, I started earning from all of these things and he still supports me as always. Just let people do what they love, don’t cage someone because they got married to you.

5. Uphold each other in those moments when the other person is down. 

Emotionally, financially, and spiritually, uphold each other and be strong when the other person isn’t at their best.

Last year, I was emotionally down, my husband was literally my therapist. I’m myself again because he didn’t pressure me to come off it, he gave me time to feel what I was feeling and slowly heal & move on from it.

I’ve never shared this before but just 2 months after we got married, my husband had to quit his job as he was owed salaries for several months, throughout those periods it was my duty to support him.

When we eventually moved out of the country, he was working while I was jobless. He supported me through the period as well as my family.

6. You won’t always agree. 

Let the other person have their own opinions and don’t try to argue about stuff to win all the time. 

However, it’s important to prayerfully come to an agreement/compromise if the decision affects the entire family.

For example, my husband and I have very different political views, so whenever any issue comes up in our home country Nigeria, I try not to talk too much about it coz we hardly ever agree.

The fact that you are married doesn’t mean you would agree on everything, for peace to reign stop the arguments and prayerfully trust God to change their mind about the issue. Your attitude or countenance in times of disagreement also matters a lot.

7. Pray together, build your family altar and nurture your foundation together. 

If you pray together every day, fighting each other for a long time would be difficult. Ours is like “Babe lead us in worship, I’ll do the open heavens” but when we are fighting one person will do everything coz you don’t wanna ask the other person, you just want to get it done and start your day😂

Eventually, we talk about our issues, pray and settle. Don’t forget your source! God and the parents who brought you to this world. Take care of your parents, their constant prayers and love will keep you going strong! 

Bonus points: Always choose to see the good in your partner because they can never be perfect, they would do things wrong sometimes, they would offend you a lot of times but choose to see the good in them and let the love of Jesus you have for them take the lead when Eros love decides to take flight coz you’re so upset 😂😂

Things won’t always be rosy, so don’t always expect flowers and chocolate. In real life, some tough days would come.

Be mature enough to handle it and still love your partner like you would in the days of plenty.

I pray that you’ll have the best of marriage and for those who are currently single, please don’t waste your time on frivolities!

Date to Marry and not for worthless pleasures.

Thanks a lot for reading!

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Also Read:

5 loving things to say to your partner daily

Lessons at 3 years of marriage…The first year experience 

5 years of marriage husband appreciation 

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