What if the woman is 6 years older? I met a couple like that in 2014. How did he even talk to her?
This past weekend was quite eventful; it was great to see Nigerians fight for what they believe in by signing petitions and joining the campaign against child/under-age marriage. Social media platforms had different themes and mostly on twitter we adopted the #ChildNotBride hash tag. It comes to a point where the people should actually speak up. After all, dem talk say na democracy we dey.
Which means that the people are the government. I don’t think it would be a pretty sight to see our baby sisters, nieces and children at Ikoyi registry posing for the camera as bride to be or new bride. I’m absolutely against this…Oh well back to us.
I want to share a story a friend told me about and then we’ll go from there. When it comes to age difference in marriage, how much do you think is too much?
Bolade came home with the news that she was bringing her fiancé to meet her parents. Her mum was overjoyed. Trust Yoruba mothers na, she quickly burst into praise songs and moved her waist to the left and to the right singing “Emi la o ni yo si……ba se fe kori be na lori…” for the non-yoruba readers meaning we shall rejoice because it has happened the way we wanted it to.
Bolade and Soji drove into her father’s compound on a cool Saturday afternoon. Her younger ones came out to greet them because they already knew Soji. When Bolade’s mum saw Soji, she was pleased. He looked like the ideal son-in-law, handsome, well-spoken, and respectful; he also had a charming smile with dimples. Her dad also liked Soji immediately especially when he had given them a rundown of his academic qualifications and achievements because Bolade’s father is an academician.
They were having lunch on the dining table when Bolade’s father asked Soji about his age. ‘I’m just 37 years old sir’, Soji replied. “Just???” Bolade’s mum asked with a startled expression on her face. Bolade’s father signaled to his wife to calm down.
He asked if Soji was aware that Bolade was only 23. Soji replied in the affirmative. Bolade’s father wasn’t bothered at all he believed they loved each other enough and since Bolade had accepted Soji and stayed with him for a little over a year then there was no reason to discourage them.
On the other hand, Bolade’s mum wasn’t so comfortable with the age thing; she kept asking questions and wondering why Bolade hadn’t informed her about the age gap between Soji and herself. Her mum’s attitude towards Soji changed and this began to bother Bolade. But really is Age a factor?
When it comes to love, a lot of things can pose as challenges and whether we like it or not age is one of them. One of the major reasons for that is because they might have different ideologies on lifestyle and where there is a huge generational gap there might be mismatched life experiences as well.
However,the fact that problems can arise as a result of age difference doesn’t mean love should be governed by rules of age or no age. Some people have younger husbands and still have a great home and some have much younger wives and yet have a great marriage so I believe understanding is the main thing.
I have a colleague at work whose husband is 13 years older than she is and according to her, it has never been an issue. I believe that both parties should work more on understanding each other’s needs and come to a level where they can blend emotionally and socially.
Once both parties have settled issues on emotional maturity, understanding of habits/interests, insecurities, family planning, growing old together, the sacrifice and compromise involved then age should never be a factor.
With age, I believe it’s an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind then it doesn’t matter. But that doesn’t mean you should marry someone as old as your father or as old your grand-mother anyway. However, it’s whatever works for you and makes you happy.
What are your thoughts? Is age just a NUMBER or a FACTOR?
Let’s Hear You….share your stories and experiences.