BEING A PASTOR’s CHILD: THE GOOD & DARK SIDE

The reality of being a Pastor’s child goes beyond what you see in church on Sunday morning.

Although most of us appear very put together, dressed in our exalted suits, ties knotted, shoes shining, berets looking banging, hats looking hearty and dresses looking dazzling there’s a lot we have to go through behind the scenes.

From my experience, I can truly say that being a Pastor’s child or PK( Pastor’s kid) like we are fondly called has its perks, but we all know that most good things have a dark side to them as well.

Growing up as a pastor’s child in Nigeria and mentoring several other Pk’s like myself, I have realized that it really is a tough job and sometimes the society and the world at large are a little too hard on us. I have definitely had my fair share of both sides and so I think I am qualified to write about this. I know where the shoe pinches.

Let’s talk about the good side of being a Pastor’s child, Amen?

 1.  As a Pastor’s child you get a Godly foundation

Our parents teach us right from infancy what they believe in, we grow into morning devotion, worker’s meeting, weekly services, annual programmes and all that.

We take part in memory verse challenges, draw your sword, easter camp out and the likes. It’s like everywhere we turn to we see the Bible, Jesus lives in our homes and even in our hearts (at least that’s how it all starts)

2.    As a Pastor’s Child you get opportunity to develop your gifts

This might not be the case for everyone but if you are one of those who are naturally drawn to music you are more likely to be a better singer, instrumentalist and the likes in church. Another gift that is well developed as a PK is the gift of hospitality. Visitors would probably eat deep into Daddy and mummy’s pocket but there’s always bottled water, Maltina and biscuits at home.

Back in the days, people were comforted with a small portion in a plate from a bottle of groundnut and a chilled bottle of Crush, 7Up or Tandi but nowadays you need to pack takeaways too like fruits, juice and all that. At Christmas, you would also have to learn how to make a list of people to share bags of rice to, you can relate, right?

3. As a Pastor’s child you get to develop leadership skills

A lot of times they feel you have this leadership skill by default, so even when you try to run from it they still make you a leader of one thing or the other. From children choir to teenage choir to memory verse group leader to youth church responsibilities you most likely would have one of these.

You also can’t do without running into tonnes of John C. Maxwell books on leadership at home, I really can’t count how many of that I read growing up since I have always looked books anyway.

4. As a Pastor’s child you get unsolicited blessings

Asides from the respect and honour of your parents that rubs off on you, sometimes you get blessings you never asked for. People are quick to want to help a PK and they tend to treat you slightly different from others.

As a PK you can’t deny that most times things just eventually work out for you even when its a little difficult for others, that’s because God has a speciality in blessing the generation of them that seek him. So the covenant he had with your parents also extends to you and you enjoy the blessings without knowing where it originates from. Well, now you know!

There are a few other benefits I would have loved to list but I don’t want to elongate this post more than necessary

Watch this Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8Bj98vdqrw&t=104s

Let’s see the DARK SIDE of being a Pastor’s Child

Too Many Expectations

The average young person doesn’t really have too many people to answer to while growing up, most times their parents are the only ones who get all up in their business but as a PK! hell no!

You’ve got to answer to your parents, the church authority, the congregation and the society at large. Living up to all their expectations is a herculean task, ah mean you can’t please everyone.

Don’t wear this, Don’t wear that, don’t act like that, you didn’t greet me well, you didn’t come to Bible study, don’t you know you are a pastor’s son?

That “don’t you know you are a pastor’s child” remark annoys the hell out of most PK’s. You agree with me right?

Let’s look at this gossip headlines, Girl gets pregnant at 16.

Normal person: Parents in shock over daughter getting pregnant at 16

PK: Church service goes awry as pastor is suspended due to 16-year-old daughter’s pregnancy

Now from the above you can see that this two headlines will not be judged the same way, a lot of backlashes will go to the parents, the church and so many tongues will wag

This problem of too many expectations is what now leads PK’s to embrace these other dark sides;

Hypocrisy, Double or Multiple personalities

As PK’s we have to pretend to agree with everything people expect of us, sadly some even have to marry the people chosen for them in order not to offend anyone.

Some have to put on a holier than thou cloak around their parents. The moment they leave they switch back to being the life of the party, popping bottles at the club and smoking shisha to take away the pain of having to live a lie.

Having really strict parents, no bends, no curves, not liberal in any way whatsoever you literally have to tiptoe around them then you most likely would have a double personality.

Quiet at home, loud and vivacious in school or at work, SU at home, Slay Mama in school, Knot tie brother to church at home, Sundays are for turnup guy in school

Another problem is abandonment, a lot of times our parents are so caught up in working for God that they forget to cater to the emotional needs of the children.

Raising kids goes beyond providing good education, shelter, pocket money and all that, sometimes we just want to talk.

Isolation

Having to change schools about four times in primary school, I had my moments of isolation too. Sometimes I just decided not to make friends because I felt like the moment I was starting to get used to my new friends I would have to relocate and leave them again. I’m sure some of you can relate right?

Secrecy

A lot of PK’s have secrets their parents will never ever know about, some have been abused by neighbours, congregation members and all that but they keep quiet because they don’t want to cause any uproar besides some parents are not sensitive enough to know that there is a problem.

Parents Mistakes

A lot of Pk’s have had to see the errors of their parents and instead of forming a resolve to do better, it shakes their faith and obedience to God.

Our parents are also human and although they are supposed to practice what they preach at all times, there will be times when they would fall short. It’s something more PK’s need to accept.

In conclusion, there are a whole lot of things that go into being a Pastor’s child, nonetheless, I feel like the good sides still outweigh the dark side.

One just has to keep asking for grace and wisdom to combat the many challenges that we face daily.

You should also try not to forget the godly values instilled in you from infancy, continue to delight in the ways of the lord coz at the end of the day, there’s really no life outside Christ, everything in this world is ephemeral.

Yes, I know you might have different doctrinal beliefs and values yet they try to force theirs on you, I get that I totally understand but we must always put the call of God upon our parent’s life into consideration and try to honour them in whatever way we can.

Never forget that you are bound to make mistakes just like everybody else, don’t beat yourself too hard.

Being a Pastor’s child is not a joking sturv! If you know a pastor’s child give him/her a hug when next you meet and if you are a PK, take this from me, “you are special!”

Let’s share some Pastor’s child experiences in the comments…I’ll be waiting

Kindly help me share this post on every forum ( Facebook, WhatsApp, twitter etc. )

Thank you!

Love Y’all

XX

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