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If this is a question on your mind, then it means you feel conflicted about your decision breaking up with someone you once loved so much.

Oftentimes, breakups leave us with some sort of inner conflict. There’s the subtle memory flash of the good times you shared with them and there’s also the sting of the terrible things they did or maybe the thoughts of their inadequacies or lack of commitment to the relationship.

To really decide if you are making the right decision breaking up with someone, you need to look into your relationship history with an unbiased lens. Evaluate your own self and the other person, their actions and inactions as well as yours.

Let’s look at these seven things to check to know if you and someone ever made any real progress as a couple before deciding to break up.

7 ways to evaluate a relationship before breaking up with someone

1. Are we on the same page on the things that make us happy together?

One of the major reasons people break up is because expectations are not met. If you must have a healthy relationship with someone, both of you must be clear about what makes each person happy and there must be a mutual agreement to make the required effort to ensure that the other person’s needs are met. So on a scale of 1-10, how happy are you in that relationship? Does the thought of being around that person still bring a smile to your face?

2. Do you respect each other and put each other first?

If you clearly see signs that the other person doesn’t respect you, your feelings, and the things that matter to you, trust me your decision to break up with them is not wrong. It’s crazy how people can claim to love someone but they find it difficult to respect them and make them a priority in their lives. Look objectively into your relationship and see if mutual respect is lacking.

3. Do you speak kindly to each other?

If your relationship lacks mutual respect like in number 2, they are most likely not speaking kindly to you. If someone is forcefully making demands on you and inhibiting you from doing things you enjoy then there’s a big problem. Someone who loves you will speak kindly and allow you to live your life comfortably. Do you also speak kindly to the person or does talking to them make you irritable for no reason?

4. Do you think romance is dead?

At the initial stage of any relationship, the romance is usually on 100 percent. The calls, the unexpected romantic texts, the date nights and surprise gifts keep coming. However, there’s a stage when these things begin to dwindle or become completely non-existent. If you feel like the spark is gone and your efforts to revive it are one-sided then your decision to end things might not be wrong. If someone truly cares for you, they would still put in the effort to do right by you in the romance department coz that’s one of the ways to bond and increase intimacy as a couple.

5. Do you feel like you no longer have things in common?

If things are getting so unfamiliar in your relationship, to a point where you guys seem to want different things then you might need to start reconsidering things. Can two work together except they agree? That’s not to say you guys must have the same interests 100% but if it feels like your partner has absolutely no common grounds with you anymore because they have changed, it would be difficult to progress in that relationship.

6. Are you constantly having to lie or do you feel you are being lied to?

When you no longer enjoy each other’s company, there are the constant lies of being busy or being occupied just to avoid having to call that person or hang around them. If you are having to lie just to stay away from this person or you feel they are doing the same to avoid you, the relationship is not progressing at all and would soon die a natural death if nothing intentional is done by the both of you to salvage it.

7. Have they stopped discussing future plans with you?

When your relationship no longer matters to someone, they won’t see the need to make future plans, discuss ideas or projects with you anymore. On your own part, you might be withholding information about your plans from them subconsciously because you already feel they won’t be part of your life in the coming months or years. That’s a major sign that shows your relationship is not progressing and you might have to make the brave decision to pull the plug.

In conclusion, after doing the above evaluation of 7 things to consider before breaking up with someone, you may come to the conclusion that your relationship hasn’t gotten so bad and can still be salvaged if the other person is willing.

However, if this evaluation makes it clear that things have really gone bad, don’t beat yourself up. It takes courage to decide that something is not working and put an end to it.

Breaking up with someone doesn’t mean you failed, it might just be a lesson that you need to learn to build a better relationship the next time. So don’t second guess yourself, your instincts are usually right, and trust me if you are truly a Christian, the spirit of God will show you signs it’s time to let go. If it feels forced and one-sided you need to stop holding on to a tiny thread.

If the other person refuses to prove themselves worthy of your love and you are tired of making efforts that are not reciprocated, then respect yourself enough to walk away. Take all that energy you are throwing into the wrong relationship and focus on yourself.

Take a break from the dating space and give yourself ample time to heal before starting up something new with someone else. If the other person realizes their mistakes and decides to repair the damage they have done to your relationship, that’s a whole new discussion but for the time being, don’t rush yourself. You have nothing to prove to anyone, protecting your heart and choosing to move on is a step in the right decision. Cheers to that!

Love,

Tolu Seyi-Daniel

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