If you are familiar with Banky W’s Strong thing or Yes/no, I’m sure you must have heard the line ‘you dey make my heart go gbim gbim / you dey make my heart go jim kelele’, its his own way of saying his heart is beating for that particular person. A lot of us also use that to express love for someone, by saying ‘my heart beats for you’.

I used to have one stalker in my uni days who would always say ‘Tolu my heart is beating for you’ and I’ll laugh and cry all at once. It sounded very funny to me then especially the pitiful look on his face. Well, what I wanna talk about today is a tad different from that…


Back in uni days, I had this flat mate, lets call her ‘Lawumi’. She was in a relationship with this guy from her pre-degree till I left. I was a year ahead of her, so I really don’t know if they are still together now.

Lawumi loved this Dara guy with everything she had, you could say that her heart was actually beating for him. She is a very good cook and she always prepared sumptuous meals for him. I remember she had this brown cooler that she used in offering cooler ministration to Dara everyday.

On weekends, Lawumi will prepare a big pot of soup and turn it into that particular brown cooler and then she’ll leave the hostel to spend the weekend in Dara’s place. I really can’t tell if Dara used to give her money to prepare those meals.

On this particular weekend, I saw Lawumi in the hostel,that was very unusual. Since Lawumi and I were kinda close, I asked her if Dara travelled and then she said he didn’t. I just kept quiet and continued staring at her,I could tell something was wrong from the furtive look on her face,after a while she had no choice but to tell me what was wrong. Lawumi showed me a mark on her face which was previously covered by her long rose-deep weavon.

Believe me, the mark was really bad. It was almost as red as the inside of an agbalumo fruit. Lawumi is dark in complexion( although not so dark) but the red mark on her face was rather too obvious for a dark person which means, Dara must have hit her so hard.


She narrated how Dara hit her because she forgot the keys to his house in the hostel and he needed to pick up something urgently. She said he had temper problems and that whenever he was angry, he can hit her with anything. I was speechless. Why would a guy keep beating the lady who loves him so much? The annoying thing was that, after almost an hour of speaking to Lawumi, she still kept making excuses for him and blaming herself for forgetting the keys.

‘Tolu, I love Dara with all my heart, its just this his temper issue, he’s a very nice guy’, Lawumi kept saying. Ohh!! Please… nice guy my foot, I thought.

Lo and behold! On Sunday afternoon, Dara came in company of his friends to apologize to Lawumi. He prostrated and pleaded with her. Lawumi, in tears accepted his apology and hugged him. Before my very eyes, she dished out food into that brown cooler again and left the hostel with Dara.

I just stayed in my room, watching them leave. I kept shaking my head all afternoon, I could almost cry for my dear Lawumi. A beautiful girl hurting herself in the name of love.

Just like Lawumi, so many people are going through stuff like this. I remember that movie, ‘private storm’, it’s a fictional example of this kind of experience.


For how long will this continue? Why would a lady choose to remain in an abusive relationship? For Christ sake, he hasn’t even put a ring on it, even if he has, as far as I am concerned, only a cowardly man beats a woman.

Yes! you love him with all your heart but Sister your brain should also be involved. How long will you keep giving love from your heart and keep getting beatings in exchange? It is important that a woman never allows loneliness or fear to coerce her into vulnerability in the hands of a dangerous man.

Please don’t stay in an abusive relationship, it can lead to untimely death. Don’t go ahead and marry someone who is capable of raising his hands to hit you all in the name of love. The marriage will never be a happy one because at that point e go don see u finish

A lot of women have almost died and some have even lost their lives because they were enduring unhealthy relationships, please don’t be quiet about domestic violence

Dearest Gentle-men, why would you say your heart is beating for a lady and after she gives you her heart you give her beatings in return?

The essence of love is to give to each other and provide a secure place where both of you can grow together.
Please don’t hit a woman…its absolutely wrong. If she provokes you please be the stronger person by walking away, its better than resorting to violence.

Dear reader, what are your thoughts on this? Let’s hear you…Read,Comment and Share.

Have an amazing week.



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  1. This is really a nice article, I will say that men should learn to control anger and women should stay away from boxers till they learn to be proper men. I support raising law against women abuse. Women are lovely and tender and must be treated like that

  2. Yea…only a coward beat a woman….the brave ones will walk away if they can and if they can’t they will b submissive.
    Nice write up sister….you’ve flogged guys with your ink but don’t forget to do the same with your fellow ladies.

  3. My comment is dat the gal is very stupid and senseless.. Any man dat beats the wife, fiance,sister,mother or even a lady is not worthy to be man and infact the man is a coward….so the lady should “USE HER HEAD” and also know dat for the man to be using her as punching bag means the man is seeing her as an animal… So she should run for her dear life else the next he might kill her…..thank you Prof. Engr. Chiagozie a.k.a izgozzy has spoken…

  4. Well said and narrative. We must understand the difference between emotion & love. Often time we get into untimely relationship that is not godly. Whatever that is not timely is not godly. Love acts on time and season. When u rush to love then, what u experience is frustration. (Ecc. 3 v1 and v8) . Am sure emotion must have led her to this. Pls, be patient to love, don’t mistake emotion to love. Even the devil have that too. But, understand the fact that God is the true love and if it’s God, love must be timely. Wait patiently for it. I hope u Understand.

  5. Hmm! True talk sister but I don’t know why ladies don’t like walking out of such relationships they will be saying I love him but love is not wicked it is pure! That was how one man in the next building in my area will beat his wife, he did it to the extent that the wife had Two miscarriages, the wife walked out of the marriage atlast cuz she couldnt bear it again. God will lead us right.

  6. I luv dis tolu u hv really tried by sharing more light on d issue of a combact relationship. d bible says he who find a wife found a good thing, as 4 me beating a woman in a relationship is nt really d best option if u notice dat ur lady is d type dat is nt given u respect jst try and calm her down and give her word of advise and encouragemnt, orientiate her make her knw hw u feel and believe u me she wl correct her self cos dos ladies of nw adays dey are very sensitive and fragile in nature so guys please stop d habit of beating ur woman and u ladies respect ur guy cos wen u dnt it fustrate a guy and mks him jump into psycomental drastic decision. I pray d lord in is infinte mercy wl teaches us hw 2 live and show luv 2 our partner. Peace be unto u tolu and peace be unto every one in dis room.

  7. It is an age long and outdated approach as of the days of our fore fathers that men batter women. Back then, the man was considered to be manly, in recent times, it is cowardice. A brave man does not beat a woman, rather protects her.

  8. It is an age long and outdated approach as of the days of our fore fathers that men batter woman. Back then, the man was considered to be manly, in recent times, it is cowardice. A brave man does not beat a woman, rather protects her.

  9. Beat her oh!!!!! Lol!! Jes kiddin!!!!! Its very wrong to hit a woman, no matter how tempermental you are ….. Its jes wrong….. The babe shud berra open her eyes oh. Is dat 1 love that they will be beatin u like goat

  10. Hmmm! A lot of tins I wnt to say…….. D truth of the matter is dis tins happen a lot and dese women don’t voice out. Some make d mistake by tinking wen dey get married it would stop, bt it doesn’t I knw of sumone who was killed n butchered! Its dt bad. D most annoying tin is if u advice d lady to leave she would say she will die if she does, my question is dt wasn’t she living before she met d guy? Wot is she didn’t meet him wouldn’t she have lived her life? Dis situation really needs to be addressed
    The men dt do d beating, my observation is dt most av pscychological problems, I knw of someone who just sleeps with girls why? D fatger abuses him so d best way he tinks is to let it all go is by having sex. Until he met a pscychologist before it was solved. So my point is dose dt best dier babes need a pscychologist, I believe there is sometin wrong dt is making him do dt!
    I av a lot to comment on this bt I will advice ladies to use their head more and their heart less wen in a r/ship and anyone going tru dis should PLEASE voice out b4 she loses her life.
    Tolu I am very proud of u! Keep it up

  11. Good one sis! I have seen it happeng, back in d sch days, there’s a lady dat stays beside my room then, she will feed ds guy and his friends everyday. She cooks like she’s operating a canteen, and rit in the night, ds guy will tell her d particular sex position he likes and if she doesn’t agree, he will beat the hell out of her to tgh extend that we “l hear hery cry and all . This repeats itsef till dey both left the sch and rit now the guy got married to someone else. I don’t knw if the lady is married or not!! I just pray one day ladies will start getting it right.

  12. I’ve been a relationship in which the girl literary asked me to beat when ever she er’s…it was indeed 1 of the most complicated relationship ever for me…my point is some girls actually relish in the “Molestating”. Anyway its simple, if you don’t like being treated that way walk-out on the relationship,except you’re the type that enjoys it.

  13. A man who raises his hand to beats a woman is a coward for crying out loud.Why on earth will u beat a woman,for what reason?I found it cracy as an act,such men shud be taking to the zoo.Women are meant to be pampered,care 4,protect n help her,be there 4 @ all times.They are weaker vessels,d statement does not conote inferiority complex but in terms of emotions.Men are rigid,women are not.Please any woman who is into any wrong relationship shud desist 4rm it.A man who treats his woman like a princess shows he was raised by a queen,the one who beats his woman shows he was raised by a fighter.

  14. i cant imagine mysef being beaten by a man all 4 luv,datz going to b d end of d so cald relatnship. To d guys, if a lady gives u a hrt it shows she loves u,y beat her back,irrespective of anytin neva beat her,beta stil if u a angry wt her take a walk to get off d present situatn,bt raisin ur hand at her shows u dnt luv her . And to d ladies,neva wait til u a beaten,itz nt a sign of comitment.if he can beat u in a relatnship wat will apen wen u a married.take ur stand @ Tolulope, wat a gud work u a doing.keep it up.expect more of it,av a grt week. Much luv

  15. I agree that its Very wrong for men to hit women. But I jus don’t understand why women,who get beaten in their relationships,decide to stay with the same man and they keep on getting beaten,Its just stupidity. Nice write-up tho. Hav a lovely week.

    1. Yea dats true,Kable. Some of dem do it for the love,some for fear of loneliness and some bcoz of wat dey get frm d guy…so many reasons bt d best tin is to jst run frm such a guy. Have a lovely week dear

  16. Nice write-up Tolu. Kudos to u. The very day a guy raises his hand to beat his lady, dat lady should know that it is just the begining of the beating becos , he will not stop,so it is better to quit such relationship. such a guy is animalistic in behaviour. Young lady, you need a gentle man, though nobody is perfect but once beating is out of it, den u are a bit free.
    say no to domestic violence against women.
    there are millions of guys out there that won’t hit their babes. enter a relationship with both heart and head please.

  17. And to ladies any man dat raises his arm against you has no good intention on you,love is for correction not beating or abusive comment.

  18. Nice article tolu….reminds mε̲̣ of chris brown -n rihanna
    D trruth my dear.. Is that  force of love defies normal reasoning…not onli has this ‘illogicalness’ been noticed in man,but in animals also…..there’s supposedly this female bird that keeps mating wth a male even wheh he drives her away forcefully…

    As it applied 2 animals,so it does 2d opposite sex… Guys that love grls that treat them badly and keep forgivin….
    This ‘blindness’ all stems from virtues love confer.. such as forgiveness and hope…

    Like socrates said,love is a second name 4 madness..never blame a person in love..people hav done worse things in d name of love….

    1. Thanks Tunji…Love shd be a cover,a place where u feel safe. As far as I am concerned whenever beating comes in,its time to take flight and leave such a relationship

  19. I know hitting a woman is bad and its only someone who doesn’t respect himself let alone his woman that will do that…but what about a woman that hits or slaps her man…what should the man do?

    1. Lol Andy..I’m not saying its only men that engage in domestic abuse,women do too in some cases but you wld agree wiv me dat the former is more rampant and women are more prone to injuries and sometimes death in such cases. If a woman hits a man,I feel its wisdom for him to leave her and walk away,because if he shd hit her then he has joined her in doing wrong.

  20. This really happens. Loads of young ladies r dieing in silence and obsession. They must speak up,get help and be mentally and psychologically counselled. I say no to domestic violence. Bullyin’ dudes if you wan fight then get punching bags or Mike Tyson. *tongue-out*


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