When People Are Mean: Choosing Grace Over Gbas Gbos

People can be so mean. Whether it’s a snide comment, an intentional insult, or outright provocation, dealing with offensive behavior can test even the most patient person. What makes it worse is when the same people throw the “but you’re a Christian” line at you after offending you, as if your faith somehow nullifies your emotions or feelings.

It’s frustrating, isn’t it? You’re already working on forgiveness and self-control, and now there’s an added layer of guilt to contend with. Let’s be honest—it’s not easy! But thankfully, we’re not left to navigate this on our own. Grace is available, and when we yield to the Holy Spirit, we find the strength to respond differently.

The Struggle Is Real

Let’s face it: dealing with mean people can provoke some very human reactions. Our natural instinct might be to respond with “gbas gbos” (Nigerian slang for sharp or retaliatory comebacks). Whether it’s a quick clapback or a long-overdue outburst, there’s a sense of temporary satisfaction in giving people a taste of their own medicine.

But as Christians, we’re called to a higher standard. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us:
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good for edifying.”

This verse doesn’t mean we suppress our emotions or pretend everything is okay. Instead, it challenges us to respond in ways that build others up—even when they don’t deserve it. And let’s be honest: it’s a challenge!

The Guilt Trip: “But You’re a Christian…”

One of the most frustrating tactics people use is throwing your faith back at you. You’ve probably heard phrases like:

• “You’re a Christian; you should forgive me.”
• “Is this how Christians behave?”
• “I thought Christians turn the other cheek!”

These comments can sting because they often come from a place of manipulation, not genuine concern. They dismiss your feelings and put pressure on you to forgive instantly, even when you’re still processing the hurt.

Here’s the truth: forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating bad behaviour or brushing off offenses. It’s a journey, and it requires God’s help. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you have to reconcile or pretend nothing happened immediately. It means releasing the offense to God and choosing not to let bitterness take root in your heart.

Grace to Respond Differently

The good news is that God doesn’t expect you to do this in your own strength. Through the Holy Spirit, He empowers you to respond in ways that reflect His love and wisdom.

1. Inner Restraint
   As you yield to the Holy Spirit, you’ll notice a growing sense of restraint. Those moments where you’d normally lash out are replaced by a pause—a moment to reflect before you speak. It’s not automatic, but with time and practice, the Spirit helps you master self-control.
2. Wisdom Over Impulse
   The Holy Spirit also gives you wisdom to discern the best response. Sometimes it means saying nothing at all. Other times, it means calmly but firmly addressing the situation. Wisdom allows you to respond in a way that honors God while setting healthy boundaries.
3. The Power of Grace
   Grace isn’t just about forgiving others—it’s about receiving the strength to act differently. Grace transforms your reactions, replacing anger with compassion and offense with understanding.

Practical Steps to Handle Mean People

When faced with mean or offensive behavior, here are some steps to help you navigate the situation:

1. Pause and Pray
   Before responding, take a moment to pray. Ask God for wisdom, peace, and the right words. This pause can make all the difference in how you handle the situation.
2. Acknowledge Your Feelings
   It’s okay to feel hurt or frustrated. Acknowledging your emotions doesn’t make you less Christian—it makes you human. Take your feelings to God in prayer and allow Him to bring healing.
3. Respond, Don’t React
   A reaction is impulsive and often fueled by emotion. A response, on the other hand, is intentional and guided by wisdom. Choose your words carefully, ensuring they reflect love and truth.
4. Set Boundaries
   Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing repeated offenses. Set clear boundaries to protect yourself while still extending grace. It’s okay to mute and block people online and offline to avoid a constant reminder of offense or the chances of it reoccurring. Boundaries are important!
5. Lean on the Word
   Scriptures like Ephesians 4:29 and Proverbs 15:1 (“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”) can guide you in how to speak life, even in tough situations.

The Reward of Choosing Grace

Choosing grace over retaliation isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. When you respond with grace, you reflect Christ’s character and become a vessel of His love.

Remember, the goal isn’t perfection but progress. Each time you pause instead of lashing out, choose forgiveness over resentment, or speak life instead of hurt, you’re growing. You’re allowing the Holy Spirit to shape you into the person God created you to be.

So the next time someone tests your patience, remember: grace is available. Yield to the Holy Spirit, and let Him help you choose wisdom over impulse. It’s not just about avoiding “gbas gbos”—it’s about living a life that honours God, even in the face of meanness.

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