BEFORE YOU SAY I DO

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Weddings, more weddings, mooore weddings…

I know so many people preparing to walk down the aisle in this year *winks*. So many people have already tied the knot this year. It is really amazing, knowing that you’ll be spending the rest of your life with someone you really love. Congratulations y’all. Please invite me oh! Y’all know I love weddings *covers face*

However, before you say I do, there are a few things I wanna bring to your remembrance. We all know that marriage is the only school or institution where you receive the certificate before you resume. The wedding ceremony is just for a day, but marriage is FOREVER. The wedding will be attended by a crowd but it is only you and your spouse that will sail through the marriage boat through the stormy weather, when it is smooth and when the tide comes.

So just before you say I do, how much do you know? And do you agree with all that you know about him/her? Agreement is the basis of LOVE. I love the scripture in the third verse of the third book of Amos that says ‘Can two walk together except they agree?’

There’s this message by Pst Mrs Bimbo Odukoya of blessed memory that I always love to listen to, I would like to share a few things from it with you. Before that, it is essential to realize that you and your lover have strengths and weaknessses. Once you say I do, you are not only accepting the strengths, the weaknesses are inclusive. It is important that during the course of your relationship, you discuss so many issues. A relationship shouldn’t just be about ‘you are the love of my life, the apple of my life….blah, blah, blah. It’s a time to discuss and share your views on life issues.

The following are worthy of discussion before you say I do:

CAREER/AMBITION AND GOALS: It is essential to share your goals and aspirations with your partner so that you don’t get married and then surprises start to set in. Some men will say once she has my kids, she can’t work. Share details of your career path and what it really entails. Make marriage goals together; number of kids, child spacing etc

VERBAL INTIMACY/COMMUNICATION AND TOGETHERNESS: Ensure that your partner also believes that there should be communication and verbal intimacy so that each of you can express your minds from time to time. Talk about the amount of time you should spend together because some people have jobs that keep them away for months and sometimes years. Talk about it now!

BEFORE YOU SAY I DO

FINANCIAL/MONETARY ISSUES: Ensure that you have a proper understanding of how your partner spends, his/her views on spending and investment. If you are about to marry an expensive lady, please make sure there’s enough money in the account…Talk about financial allocation or family budget, family vacation, children’s education and upkeep. This is really important because money issues have broken a lot of homes.

SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS: Talk about your relationship with friends and family members after marriage. Talk about the possibility of siblings or parents coming to live with you after marriage. Talk about how to deal with in-laws.

SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR: Talk about your individual habits or behaviours; drinking, smoking and clubbing. Share your views on all these to know what he/she feels about such things.

SUBMISSION AND RESPECT: Share your views on the level of submission and respect you require in marriage because it differs in families and cultures.

PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE: Talk about your religious beliefs, general opinions and biases before you say I do.

ISSUES IN THE HOME: Talk about the cooking, laundry and cleanliness of the house. Some ladies will say they can’t cook every day, that the man should also enter the kitchen. Hmmnn talk about it now oh! Some people cannot hand wash clothes it’s either you buy a washing machine or you send the clothes to the dry-cleaner. Talk about it now!

WEAKNESSES AND STRENGTHS: Talk about each other’s weaknesses, some people have weaknesses like pride, anger, stinginess, unfriendliness etc. talk about them. Its also important to talk about your strengths, one of the good things about marriage is that one partner can complement the other. I have seen couples that the husband is very shy but the wife is very bold and outspoken. Each one will cover for the other.

HOBBIES AND INTERESTS: We all have different hobbies and interests. It is important, that your partner knows what your’s are. Sports: football, table-tennis, basketball, golf etc. Music: Rhythm and blues, Rap, classical, country, rock etc Movies: action, comedy, romance,sci-fi etc

HEALTH ISSUES: Talk about health issues, the kind of medical consultancy you use. Some believe Government-owned hospitals have better and more qualified doctors while some only visit private hospitals. Some people don’t believe in taking medication, they just pray. Talk about it now! Talk about weight issues too, some like orobo (thick women) while some want lepa (slim women) for life. Well, talk about it coz when the babies come, she might grow fat oh!

HABITS: Talk about the good habits
Time to sleep/ time to wake up: some people sleep by 12 am and wake up by 5 am and they are ok, while some sleep by 9 am and still find it hard to keep their eyes open by 6. Talk about it before you say I do

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Prayer: Muslims usually wake up 5 am to pray, some do this faithfully while some don’t. talk about it now. Some Christians wake up to pray at night, some don’t even pray at all. Talk about it now.
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Mealtime: some people eat very early in the morning while some don’t eat till almost mid-day. Talk about it now! .If you marry a man that eats very early in the morning, be ready to wake up early to cook for him everyday.

HOUSING/ ACCOMODATION : Some people say they can’t live outside Lagos or Abuja, some say they can only live in a duplex. Some people say they must have cooks, gate-men, gardeners and drivers in their home. Hmmnn…talk about it

FOREVER/CONDITIONAL: Some people say no matter what, my marriage is forever while some say once he cheats on me its over. Talk about it. Some say once she doesn’t have a child, I’ll marry another woman…hmmmnn. Talk about it now
There are so many other things worth discussing but these are the few I could cover. Get your partner to share every little detail with you from the past to the present and plan for the future together. Share all the details before the big day when you’ll say ‘I DO’. Remember, forever is a looooooong time.

I wish you a great forever marriage.

Have a great week.

Love,

L’queen

Follow me @Lqueentt

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30 Comments

  1. Femi says

    That’s so on-point. Bless u.

  2. Hui says

    2nd post I’ve read from you and I love how you articulate your thoughts. Very helpful. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Ifeoluwa Akeju says

    Dis is gud. Kip it Up Tolu.

  4. seunfunmi says

    thanks 4 dis lovely piece! Itz wat knowing b4 saying i do.sure i’l invite u. Op u will cm?

  5. dayo says

    a very good word of advice

  6. Kembam says

    9c one dearie,kip d gud wrk up.tnx a trilion!

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Kembam longest tym..Happy new year.tnx fr reading

  7. nomodunbi says

    Nice piece, I must say you are becoming a very good relationship adviser. One quick question tho…..When are we coming for your wedding.

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Thanks Niyi…lol u’ll attend my wedding as soon as the right man proposes *winks*

  8. akinwande olayinka says

    You really av a point in wot you said, truthfully most ppl don’t settle these thins or talk abt it befor getting married that’s why divorce is on the high side. Personally I tink marraige is beyound Love cos there are some situations that will come up that will question one’s love for his/her spouse. I also belive marraige is for d husband, wife and God any oda person shud’nt take decisions or determine wot should happen in the home. May our marraiges be heaven on earth. Well done dear

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Amen! Thanks a lot Yinka dear…I love ur comment.

  9. emmanuel aruna says

    Hey T… I never know u were a writer. I really enjoyed this article…keep it up! Adios

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Hey Emma…lol now u know. Tnx 4 reading

  10. Dare FRNL says

    Nice one, good enlightenment. I benefit . More of it

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      I’m happy u gained bro…tnx 4 reading.its been a while oh…Happy new year

  11. ayuzeKable says

    Lovely write-up once again. I commend ur hard-work. U are really helping a lot of relationships. Keep up the good work. (Y)

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Thank u dear,KABLE of life!! It brings me so much joy to write things that can be of help in relationships…let’s say I am an advocate of TRUE LOVE *winks*

  12. Bkuppy says

    No mincing of words! Thumps up darling sis.

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Thank u sweet sis…Mrs. Kupoluyi of Life

  13. mz_Bada says

    This is so true. Nice work Lqueen.

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Yes oh very true…tnx a lot dearie

  14. Pappy says

    About the health issues, growing fat is a great concern to many guys I know. At times I wonder why men don’t want their women to grow fat even after they’re the ones who made them that way…

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Lol pappy…but I agree with u tho

  15. D'ambassador says

    You may also need to attend Nikai(muslim wedding)*rollin’ eyes*. Tnx dear!

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Lol…maybe u’ll take me to one of dos abi? Tnx 4 d support dear

  16. Andy says

    May God continue to inspire u

    1. lqueen1
      lqueen1 says

      Amen…thank u for reading my articles

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