BEFORE YOU SAY I DO
Weddings, more weddings, mooore weddings…
I know so many people preparing to walk down the aisle in this year *winks*. So many people have already tied the knot this year. It is really amazing, knowing that you’ll be spending the rest of your life with someone you really love. Congratulations y’all. Please invite me oh! Y’all know I love weddings *covers face*
However, before you say I do, there are a few things I wanna bring to your remembrance. We all know that marriage is the only school or institution where you receive the certificate before you resume. The wedding ceremony is just for a day, but marriage is FOREVER. The wedding will be attended by a crowd but it is only you and your spouse that will sail through the marriage boat through the stormy weather, when it is smooth and when the tide comes.
So just before you say I do, how much do you know? And do you agree with all that you know about him/her? Agreement is the basis of LOVE. I love the scripture in the third verse of the third book of Amos that says ‘Can two walk together except they agree?’
There’s this message by Pst Mrs Bimbo Odukoya of blessed memory that I always love to listen to, I would like to share a few things from it with you. Before that, it is essential to realize that you and your lover have strengths and weaknessses. Once you say I do, you are not only accepting the strengths, the weaknesses are inclusive. It is important that during the course of your relationship, you discuss so many issues. A relationship shouldn’t just be about ‘you are the love of my life, the apple of my life….blah, blah, blah. It’s a time to discuss and share your views on life issues.
The following are worthy of discussion before you say I do:
CAREER/AMBITION AND GOALS: It is essential to share your goals and aspirations with your partner so that you don’t get married and then surprises start to set in. Some men will say once she has my kids, she can’t work. Share details of your career path and what it really entails. Make marriage goals together; number of kids, child spacing etc
VERBAL INTIMACY/COMMUNICATION AND TOGETHERNESS: Ensure that your partner also believes that there should be communication and verbal intimacy so that each of you can express your minds from time to time. Talk about the amount of time you should spend together because some people have jobs that keep them away for months and sometimes years. Talk about it now!
FINANCIAL/MONETARY ISSUES: Ensure that you have a proper understanding of how your partner spends, his/her views on spending and investment. If you are about to marry an expensive lady, please make sure there’s enough money in the account…Talk about financial allocation or family budget, family vacation, children’s education and upkeep. This is really important because money issues have broken a lot of homes.
SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS: Talk about your relationship with friends and family members after marriage. Talk about the possibility of siblings or parents coming to live with you after marriage. Talk about how to deal with in-laws.
SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR: Talk about your individual habits or behaviours; drinking, smoking and clubbing. Share your views on all these to know what he/she feels about such things.
SUBMISSION AND RESPECT: Share your views on the level of submission and respect you require in marriage because it differs in families and cultures.
PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE: Talk about your religious beliefs, general opinions and biases before you say I do.
ISSUES IN THE HOME: Talk about the cooking, laundry and cleanliness of the house. Some ladies will say they can’t cook every day, that the man should also enter the kitchen. Hmmnn talk about it now oh! Some people cannot hand wash clothes it’s either you buy a washing machine or you send the clothes to the dry-cleaner. Talk about it now!
WEAKNESSES AND STRENGTHS: Talk about each other’s weaknesses, some people have weaknesses like pride, anger, stinginess, unfriendliness etc. talk about them. Its also important to talk about your strengths, one of the good things about marriage is that one partner can complement the other. I have seen couples that the husband is very shy but the wife is very bold and outspoken. Each one will cover for the other.
HOBBIES AND INTERESTS: We all have different hobbies and interests. It is important, that your partner knows what your’s are. Sports: football, table-tennis, basketball, golf etc. Music: Rhythm and blues, Rap, classical, country, rock etc Movies: action, comedy, romance,sci-fi etc
HEALTH ISSUES: Talk about health issues, the kind of medical consultancy you use. Some believe Government-owned hospitals have better and more qualified doctors while some only visit private hospitals. Some people don’t believe in taking medication, they just pray. Talk about it now! Talk about weight issues too, some like orobo (thick women) while some want lepa (slim women) for life. Well, talk about it coz when the babies come, she might grow fat oh!
HABITS: Talk about the good habits
Time to sleep/ time to wake up: some people sleep by 12 am and wake up by 5 am and they are ok, while some sleep by 9 am and still find it hard to keep their eyes open by 6. Talk about it before you say I do
Mealtime: some people eat very early in the morning while some don’t eat till almost mid-day. Talk about it now! .If you marry a man that eats very early in the morning, be ready to wake up early to cook for him everyday.
HOUSING/ ACCOMODATION : Some people say they can’t live outside Lagos or Abuja, some say they can only live in a duplex. Some people say they must have cooks, gate-men, gardeners and drivers in their home. Hmmnn…talk about it
FOREVER/CONDITIONAL: Some people say no matter what, my marriage is forever while some say once he cheats on me its over. Talk about it. Some say once she doesn’t have a child, I’ll marry another woman…hmmmnn. Talk about it now
There are so many other things worth discussing but these are the few I could cover. Get your partner to share every little detail with you from the past to the present and plan for the future together. Share all the details before the big day when you’ll say ‘I DO’. Remember, forever is a looooooong time.
I wish you a great forever marriage.
Have a great week.
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