WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AS AN ADULT?

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new friends

I was in church the other day when it suddenly dawned on me that I was lonely. You know the usual after church service, friends hand in hand, the playful banter, hugs and chit chats, I stood there watching all of them do that and then I realized I didn’t have a single friend.

I’m not the kind who is shy or quiet, nothing of such. I have those moments where I crave solitude more than anything but let’s just say my personality is just comfortably seated in the middle of the introvert and extrovert just somewhere in between the two.

new friends
Sweatshirt by @intlsaharclothing Jeans from H&M Shoes from Vans

 

Being an adult, in a new environment, new church, new everything just makes it even tougher to blend.

I get jealous of my son sometimes, for kids life isn’t so complicated. No one cares if you are black or if you are rich or well-connected. Jason has a whole lot of new friends- Mexicans, Indians, Ghanaians….you name it. Children, they just don’t care!

new friends

The first time I took him to the playground, I was a little skepticalΒ about what their reaction would be like. You can imagine my amazement when we got there and the kids were drooling over him. They literally ran to him, screaming he’s so cute and blah blah blah. Ever since then, he has become one of them…easily!

Just look at me, it’s definitelyΒ not the same in my quarters. One thing no one tells you about being an adult is how lonely you will be. They will tell you about all the responsibilities, how you can get pregnant if you have unprotected sex but not many like to admit that the adulthood package also comes with loneliness.

It’s easier to find a date than to make new friends. When you have a crush on someone you either slide into their DM or say hello at the bar. After exchanging a couple of emojis here and there, the person would probably get the drift but…

how do you just walk up to a stranger especially a fellow female and start a conversation? Some of these ladies are plain rude and snobbish!

How do you slide into a fellow girl’s DM and compliment her hair/outfit out of the blues and not be seen as the creepy one?

Oh well, I unabashedly did the later and OMG it ended up as a sad story! You will read about it next week.

My friends are and would always be dear to me, we keep in touch as much as we can but the fact remains that I miss the physical presence, the heartwarming thought that I was just a BRT bus or two away from them…all that is history. It’s like a long-distance relationship with my bestie right now and it sucks!

The fact that she just had a baby and I couldn’t be there for her like she was for me, is beyond heartbreaking. Trying to tell her this and that about newborns over the phone is not as enjoyable as it would have been if I was right there with her, I cry about that sometimes. Ssssshhh don’t tell anyone.

new friends

My husband and my son are my best friendsΒ right now and although I love them with my whole heart, my entire existence cannot always revolve around them.

I know that to make new friends one must be open to trying new things, start conversations, go to new places and meet up with new faces. A complete phase of opening your heart to something new, I tried one recently and it was very disappointing.

Am I ready to try again? I’m not quite sure…the last one left me feeling not enough.

Anyone with tips for making a new friend as an adult, let me know in the comments

Love,

L’queen

 

 

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1 Comment

  1. Debs says

    After Uni and I was home for a long time before NYsC, it was so difficult for me to make new friends. I had become so used to my Uni friends. Same with during NYSC, but eventually I settled in and started getting used to the new life and making new friends.

    It can be hard especially when it comes to differences and the rest but eventually it will be.

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