“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” ― Mother Teresa
It was my friend, Nnenna’s 25th birthday party,and we were all so excited to be there. Nnenna and I have been friends since Uni days and it was good to see her again as well as our other friends.
Nnenna was in a relationship with this dashing young man with a great career and a glorious bank account and she seemed very happy. She had been with this Uzodinma guy for 2 years and she always spoke well of him, although we never saw them together, only in pictures.
On this fateful day, he had sent her flowers,a cake,gift parcels and footed the bills of her birthday expenses. That was really sweet (I must say) but as the celebrant’s lover, we expected him to be there in person. We were all looking forward to meeting our friend’s lover Uzodinma, after two years of seeing him in pictures. Nnenna kept telling tales of how busy he was, his job description and that he promised to make it there before the party ended.
To cut the long story short, Uzodinma didn’t show up at the party. As concerned friends, we all stayed back to keep Nnenna company since it was weekend already.
We all fell asleep after catching up on old times. We did so much of gisting,laughing,wining and dining that night. You know how it is when you meet with friends you haven’t been with for quite a while. We also helped Nnenna clean up the house after her other guests had left. As in,we were exhausted!
I woke up a little past midnight to answer to the call of nature. While trying to keep my eyes open, I heard some sobbing sounds. Opening my eyes well enough, I saw Nnenna shedding tears quietly in one corner of her bedroom. I dragged my feet towards her,and sat beside her, waiting for her to say something. I didn’t want to talk, so as not to disturb the other girls who were soundly asleep.
After 5 minutes that felt like 50 minutes, Nnenna spoke. “How long will I continue like this?”she asked rhetorically. She narrated the story of how Uzodinma lavished her with money and gifts but deprived her of time together and attention. Nnenna explained how Uzodinma on many occcassions, apologized to her with shoes, bags and jewlleries whenever she complained of the lack of closeness in their relationship. I could almost cry with my friend,because she spoke with so much pain. I’ve never seen Nnenna that way before.
Nnenna desired love, togetherness,closeness,true friendship, time and attention from the relationship. However, Uzodinma was unable to provide that. Maybe, he felt money and gifts were enough to show her that he cared about her. Its really not about having whatever you like, sometimes you just want physical presence.
I remember that song by T.I back in 2008 ‘whatever you like’. In the video of the song, he spent lavishly on the lady buying her jewellries,buying her a car, taking her on a private jet and all the other nice things a girl could possibly dream of. Really, its nice to have a lover that gives and most girls will not stay with a stingy man. However, the money and the gifts are not the ultimate.
So many of us are guilty of this,we easily forget that money and gifts can not take the place of affection and attention. If someone truly loves you, they will desire your time and attention more than anything else, either material or monetary gifts. Your time and attention is something money can not buy.
What’s the point of being in a relationship, if you don’t see the GIVER only the GIFTS? They give you whatever you like but you don’t get their love and commitment.
Won’t it feel selfish? Or let me say one-sided, to keep collecting gifts when you have no avenue to give love back.
What are your thoughts? Is it ok for you to be in a relationship with someone who gives you whatever you like but deprives you of his/her time and attention? How can a person cope when they fall in love with a workaholic?
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